Excerpt of Life: Confessions of an Introvert

Photo Courtesy: IntrovertJapan.com

Lifehack.com put out an article on “9 Struggles Only Introverts Can Relate To” written by Thibaut Meurisse. You can click on the title to see it. So these are the struggles that introverts in general face according to the article, and my self-assessment/opinion (basically, how I qualify) follows.
1. You feel like everything you say must be invaluable and perfect – TRUE
This is very true. Actually, everything under this article.. and let me add. If my answer is wrong, I feel like I will not be accepted by the rest of the class, and if my answer is alright, I believe I will be just invisible because, well, I don’t stand out. But I think, eventually, I do stand-out, and that’s what I like about myself. I do become known and center of gossip. LOL.
2. You feel under-appreciated – NOT REALLY
I don’t talk much and I do wish people would want to get to know me better, but I don’t feel underappreciated – that’ll be like saying I deserve more appreciation, and that’s not how I feel. I always have moments that I feel left behind but I’ve come to believe that’s quite normal. I don’t feel UNDER-appreciated. If anything, I just don’t make the effort to stand out.
3. You enter a group and become invisible 5 minutes into the conversation – TRUE!
Grade 6 at a new school, I wanted attention, so I made it. Basically, the rule with me is, if I want to draw attention, I should have the intention to. First year at high school, my classmates actually left me behind while we were walking to transfer from our classroom to one that was like a few meters away. I cried that day. Third year high school, I transferred back to private school, everyone who has ever been my friend no longer cared to invite me over at lunch. The new group I was in were the type to have fun by picking on me. Works out for the rest of high school anyways.
Photo Courtesy: Neknaz.blogspot.com
First year college, I was late for my first subject. I was not alone though, there was this other girl who was also late to that class. I thought we’d be best friends. A day or two later, she and the group of friends we’ve made have left me to fend for myself – totally forgotten. Totally invisible to the rest of the world. I. am. such. a. loser. She doesn’t even acknowledge me, and anyone else I’ve ever been close to in the first week, well, they’re gonna be ignoring me for the rest of the semester until one of them is kicked out of the Cool-girls-group. Exciting. I am a convenient fall-back person.
4. You hate throwing parties, especially at your own house. – In this universe, YES.
 
Actually, I would have love to throw parties at my home but who would I invite? And who would want to come to a party when the rules would be:
– no alcoholic drinks;
– speakers to a minimum;
– clean-up after yourselves
– and everyone out by 8:30pm because I want to be alone by then.
5. You feel lonelier at social events than you do when you’re by yourself. – TRUE
Yeap! In retro-spect, I feel lonelier knowing that I’m left behind rather than chosing to be left behind whether or not a social event is in progress. Like, say, if I’m not invited to a slumber party which the whole class of girls were invited to, the reason simply being that they know I won’t go, that’d definitely make me feel kinda lonely. I like slumber parties.. as long as they’re actually slumber parties. I’ve never been to one though. I missed a friend’s debut once or twice, but there were urgent matters to attend to plus no one insisted I came. I honestly usually never feel genuinely welcomed to these occasions so.. yeah, most times it’s okay when the feeling is mutual.
Photo Courtesy: allposters.co.uk
That said, I regret telling my mom, in 4th or 5th grade, that I wasn’t invited to a certain someone’s birthday party. I didn’t even care TBH, my mom asked. Okay, maybe I skipped out saying happy birthday or something, I don’t know, I wouldn’t remember, they usually never talk to me.. but it’s in the card on the present. I think nobody genuinely wanted me at their parties, so I stopped trying.
6. You feel totally exhausted when you have to spend significant amounts of time with a large group of people you don’t know. – PARTIALLY TRUE
I’ve learned, in this world, there are many types of people and there are actually some who are more sensitive than others. There are people who know what it feels like to be you, and so it’s okay to be around those type of people even if you don’t know them.
Photo from: AnOrangeBox.com
If I was compelled to attend this event where there were a lot of people I don’t know, I’ll go for faith – faith that there are people like that out there, and for the sake of introverts like me who would do anything to have a room to themselves by having someone else be in it too – thereby, non-verbally communicating to everyone else that this room is occupied by two people who have business to take care of with each other but not really. Sometimes, silence between two people can be intimidating and extroverts would naturally flee.
7. You find it hard to think when you’re in a group – YES
For obvious reasons. I like doing things on my own, but I’m wise enough to chose otherwise because I am the competitive type. I actually like studying in small groups.
 
8. You hate phone calls – NOT NECESSARILY
I hate phone calls if it’s from:
– terrifying people who usually bring bad news
– not so terrifying people whom I don’t really know that might have misinterpreted my silence the last time we met
– frenemies
– people i don’t understand
– people who don’t understand me
9. You secretly wish you were an extrovert – AGAIN, NOT NECESSARILY
Photo courtesy: Urbanful.org
Things that make me wish to be an extrovert are limited to the following:
– meeting really nice people but having no energy to pursue any conversation
– when there was delicious cake, and someone asks “who wants the last slice” out of all the people i don’t know the names of.
– when I’m around kids.. being an introvert makes it hard for me to deal with them in multitudes
Technically, what makes me want to be an extrovert are the times people misinterpret me. But I am who I am, and I meet more genuine and true people because of who I am. No offense to extroverts but sometimes by being an introvert, you can gauge who are really worth you and your time.
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